Angelversary versus Focus on Loss

Angelversary versus Focus on Loss

It just so happens that my much loved mother and father passed just after my birthday, and then many years later, my beloved mother-in-law as well. And my dearest friend in Europe passed right before my birthday… Hmmm… I had a choice- do I celebrate my birthday or grieve their loss and make it a sad time of year for me?
I have a strong feeling about my birthday. I have always been so very grateful to be alive! I like to use that time to both celebrate and, on the day itself, I have grown to prefer a spiritual retreat where I can focus on this profound feeling of gratitude and oneness that wells up inside. I’ve had marvelous birthday parties, mainly because it was the one time of year when my parents were very amenable to the idea of a larger party for my friends, whether they were classmates and we sat around and ate birthday cake and ice cream on the front porch wearing party hats and playing games, or the delightful adult ones that included dancing (waltz anyone?). Let’s face it, I’ve always liked bringing people together and creating community, even for one memorable afternoon or evening. My birthday was a great excuse.
There was no question the passing of these four remarkable human beings was a blessing for them. They were freed from intense physical suffering (my mother, mother-in-law, and dear friend in Europe) and loneliness (my father). Each of them had led remarkable lives and were deeply loved.
So I delighted in coming across the term ‘Angelversary’ in one of Suzanne Giesemann’s zoom classes. Instead of a gloomy anniversary of their passing, a welling up of grief and loss, this became a time to celebrate their release from suffering, their transition to Spirit, to becoming ‘Angels.’
May I invite you to, just for a moment, consider your loved one’s passing date as an Angelverary? A time to celebrate all the contributions they made in your life and the lives of others, their character (such as a great sense of humor), what they overcame, and all the little and big triumphs in their life.
And if your loved one was a pet, consider celebrating his or her spirit with all of it’s quirks, its distinct personality. Rascal, the product of a Basenji mother and a standard poodle father, had the friendliest, easy personality and was supremely happy in his skin. I will never forget his radiant, happy smile and his complete ease of being. Or Zigane, who had a long Hungarian name and impressive lineage, a wire-haired dachshund of great dignity and pride, who was fiercely loyal, but loved to fall asleep on his back in one of our laps while his tail gradually relaxed. And then Amma, our white standard poodle who had the regal bearing of a queen, and yet loved digging for crabs on the beach even more than chasing squirrels, and was a chicken, with one paw on the back step, and yet who knew instantly when I sprained my ankle and was in such pain that I couldn’t speak, and came and licked my face over and over again, which she had never done. With each pet, there was a mind/heart meld. And they have Angelversaries, too!