Category: Blog

Wanting the Past or Wanting the Present

How many times have we yearned for something in the past? Could it be as simple as a delicious meal that left you in a state of blissful appreciation, or could it be as huge as a longing for a loved one, say a parent, or a child, a partner or spouse, a best friend, all of whom are no longer alive? Could it be yearning for how we used to look and feel- fit, tanned, lithe, filled with energy. Or perhaps it is a favorite possession, the old car we sold, which would now be a collector’s item, or an opportunity we passed up such as a job much better suited to our skills, a lifestyle we would have loved, the person we used to be, versus the person we are now- have we really changed that much?

The marvelous opportunity, and may I stress it is an amazing opportunity that we are being given moment by moment, is that we can choose, based on all the parameters present in our life now, how we want to be, what we want to manifest.

There is no question the past influences who we are now. I can look back now and say I’m so grateful for all those times, even the tough ones where I was an outsider to a language, a culture, a school where all the other classmates had been growing up together. I’m also grateful for the cringe-worthy mistakes I made. I’m grateful for them all, even the ones that wake me up at night, wishing I had done things differently, only to realize at dawn that my brain was working on overdrive to protect me from repeating the same thing. Lucky me! Out with the cringe factor and in with the fresh beginning, a new start!

This glorious opportunity is to discover who you are NOW. Are you still the introvert who hides in the back of the class, hoping not to be called on? Are you now the person, who has relinquished the impossible task of pleasing everyone? Are you accepting of who you are now while having goals that come from a place of loving yourself? Loving yourself enough to get enough exercise, healthy foods, and self-care, while reacquainting yourself with who you are now?

An eye-opening project is to make a list of all the things you think you are now, and the things you are striving for. Once you make your list, ask yourself, are you convinced this is a true reflection of the present moment? Or are you listing things you were in the past and wanted in the past and continue to want out of habit? Do you see yourself as a label, such as being raised in a mindset, and therefore you feel you must remain in this mindset for life?

As a fictitious example: suppose you were raised in the South as a female and taught to take care of all family members- feed them, care for them in illness, politely agree with them, even when inside you don’t want to. All the while your heart yearns for quiet and reflection, rather than filling every moment of silence with conversation. You have learned to hide your inner life, your hopes and fears because such things were never discussed or questioned. You learned to hush that inner voice when listening to authority figures. You learned that to yearn for a different way of living was ‘wrong.’ Now, all of a sudden, one or more family members have passed, and authority has shifted from them to you. You become your authority. Wow, what a shift! What does that feel like? Do you perpetuate the same pattern, or do you listen to that inner voice at long last?

Why do we long for the past? Were our lives really that stable, that secure? Or is it that the past is known, and therefore safe, whereas in the present it feels like anything can happen? Of course, logically, the uncertainty in the present moment is always there, whether it was back then in your glorified past when things were ‘better’ just as they are in the now, right now.

Uncertainty?? Well yes, we can look at uncertainty with trepidation and anxiety or as an opportunity to create, choose, and manifest who we are now.

We may meet someone who is living in the past. They hang on to who they were, their former profession, and their likes and dislikes (try something new??). Believe it or not, this attitude makes them seem much older than their years. They refuse anything new- a new type of food, a new TV program, perhaps no computer, no cell phone, ‘no’ to so much in life. Is there anything they like better now that wasn’t part of their past?

It is rather marvelous to discover who you are now. And, in doing so, let go of the yearning for a past that is not part of your present. Taking the time to reflect on who you are now means also reflecting on what you want to strive for now. If you are yearning for the past, it can be challenging to see. In this marvelous opportunity of the present moment, what excites you? What appeals to you now?

How would you like to be remembered?

Are you looking for a guidepost for how to live your life now? Here’s a suggestion for you. What about making a list of the attributes, accomplishments, projects, and all the things you would like to be remembered for?

A good friend, who was doing exceptionally well in his Parkinson’s journey, regaining an admirable quality of life after considerable setbacks, developed a sudden illness and passed within 48 hours. While a shock for all who knew him, it was a blessing for him. In writing a tribute to him, it became very apparent to me, that for all his amazing accomplishments (trilingual, prestigious advanced degrees, publications including a novel, Peace Corps volunteer, and so on), it was how he dealt with his diagnosis, and it’s progression, and how he dealt with all those around him, that made my fervent admiration for him skyrocket into the stratosphere. In the last 3 months of his life, he regained the ability to eat food by mouth instead of a feeding tube, he continued to exercise, he improved his skills in a boxing class for those with the same diagnosis, and with specialized glasses he could read books again, all the while radiating such marvelous kindness, warmth, and optimism. He was constantly teaching us all— this is the way to live and live fully.

So how would you like to be remembered? It could be for accomplishments you have already achieved. It could be for dreams you have or things you want to manifest. They could be a big or small creative project in any media such as canvas, yarn, paper, audio, music, stories, non-fiction, good food for family and friends and strangers, an edible garden, helping to raise wonderful human beings, just to name a few of the many options. Or you could fully heal from a past event or reconcile with another person, or triumph over adversity of any kind. It could be learning a language (trilingual anyone?), deeply understanding Einstein’s theory of Relativity, or getting a grasp on quantum physics. It could be smiling at people, strangers in stores, or as you pass them in the streets, just smiling with kindness. It could be savoring the present moment, whether stormy or calm, very wet or very dry, savoring the gift of being alive right now.

What would I like to be most remembered for? For the smile, that comes from the heart and is irrepressible. And the ability to love, not a blind love, or a maternal love, and certainly not a condescending love, but a love from the heart that sees the struggles, conflicts, and contradictions of a human life, and feels that we are all in this together.

So I wish you a marvelous world of discovery as you explore what you want to be remembered for. You may be quite surprised by what emerges… This is one exercise where surprises can be magical!

New Year Joy: “Sit, Stay, Heal, What Dogs can Teach us about Living Well”
by Dr. Renee Alsarraf

When I opened up this holiday present from my friend Joan, a fellow animal lover, nature lover, and artist, I was so intrigued that I put all other books aside. And the reward? A delicious, insightful read into the New Year.

The real-life story focuses on the author, the oncology veterinarian Dr. Renee Alsarraf, who is shocked to find out that she has cancer. A teenage son, her veterinarian husband, and a full hospital practice add to the complexity and stress of her healing journey, which includes surgery, radiation, and chemotherapy.

To my delight, each chapter is named after a remarkable canine patient of hers, with a few additional pet stories interspersed, including a stray cat that she rescues. A number of the dogs she treats survive their cancer journey against all odds, living far longer than expected. I did a symbolic high-five with each heartwarming story!

I immersed myself in their healing journeys – the relationships between the pets and their very diverse owners – as the author struggles with her own treatments and uncertainties. I chuckled over her descriptions such as her abdominal surgery causing her to walk like her eighty-one-year-old father and his “slightly bent over shuffle.” A very apt description, and one I was acutely aware of after my kidney/ureter surgery. Her determination, will, and resolve despite all the unknowns were also very familiar, even though I had other relationships that mattered equally to me; my husband, our standard poodle, and my sister were paramount, along with very close friends. 

So what about dogs and cancer? I learned that dogs accept treatment, whether surgery, radiation, or chemo drugs far more readily than we humans do. They are not told statistics about how long they may have to live. They live in the moment with a level of trust that we humans can learn from. Their devotion to their owners and human family rivals, and may even surpass, our own. I feel I spent this past week as an admirer of and rooting for Daisy, Bentley, Cosmo, Sasha, Franny, the police dog, Lucky, and each wonderful canine she describes, and, of course, the author.

One story that stood out for me was the description of her family’s beloved boxer Newton, delightfully goofy and “special,” and her constant companion as she goes through the intense side effects of her chemo. When she can barely move from the sofa, she discovers Newton has cancer too and supervises his treatment protocol from afar. “They say a dog is a wonderful companion for anything—I just never thought we’d be going through this particular journey together,” she confesses.  

(Spoiler alert, skip this paragraph) After different chemo treatments, Newton’s quality of life with a very aggressive cancer becomes so diminished that it is time to euthanize him. To be an oncology vet and help families with this very difficult decision is one thing, but to have to examine your own devoted dog, realize that it is his time, and then give him the injections yourself, shows a deeply moving and profound level of compassion, love, and fortitude. The final gift “of dignity” she gives Newton.

Would I recommend this book? Wholeheartedly! It’s not just a book for animal lovers, or for those who are on a healing journey, or who “survive” a cancer diagnosis and treatments, or know someone who did, it describes so marvelously the bond between humans and pets, the veterinarian with her dedicated staff, her family and supportive friends. Beautifully written and superbly edited, I could not put it down. I bet you won’t either.

Manifesting a Miracle

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A miracle that too many dear friends and family have wished to manifest in their lives. From a stage 4 cancer diagnosis made after the first CT scan five years and eight months ago to a final clear CT scan in July 2022 (they have remained clear since January 2019- 3 ½ years ago). What does this mean? It means I no longer need to go to the Mayo Clinic for scans and labs and to meet with the oncologist. While I will still see the urologist for cystoscopies, there is no more exposure to radiation from scans. Statistically speaking, my life expectancy is “normal” again.

I had a 5.5% chance of living five years with a stage 4 bladder cancer diagnosis without treatment. In my body, bladder cancer originated in the kidney, but it’s not kidney cancer. It is uncommon to have what is called TCC or transitional cell carcinoma in the renal pelvis (only 2-3% of cases form there- 97% are in the bladder). The typical patient profile for this form of cancer is that of a male truck driver who sits most of the time, smokes, is overweight, and is in their 70s. I was in my 60s, vigorous, allergic to tobacco/smoke, and skinny.

But these are all numbers, dire probabilities. Why not turn them into possibilities? Why not use every tool I have, including a great oncologist and medical team at the Mayo Clinic, to make those possibilities manifest? What if I harness the power of positive thinking for positive outcomes? What if I express gratitude for this moment, this present moment, and the gift of being alive now? What if I find the fortitude and physical strength to undergo major surgeries and intense treatments? What if I am absolutely determined to do whatever it takes to get better? What if I embrace a newly approved treatment for which everyone receives the same dose regardless of weight, gender, and age? What if in the middle of the night, when I am experiencing agony, I simultaneously cry and pray and am fully willing to continue the treatment? What if I substitute any fears with prayers and affirmations? What if I allow the wisdom of my body to heal itself? What if I embrace the positive thoughts and the prayers of others regardless of their religion? What if I welcome all forms of energy and spiritual healing, especially from healers I respect? What if I ask my beloved husband Brent to send love into my body while I also invite love from all realms? What if I visualize cancer taken out of my body? What if I do all this with every thought and gesture? Healing not once from an attitude of “poor me” or “why me,” but rather, always seeing the path of healing as an honor to walk on, a true honor, a gift to be able to do this, knowing that while I do this for myself, I mainly do this for love?

And so is this miracle born.

Glitter

Have you ever played the game, “what creature would you choose to be if you were not born a human being?” Or another one: “If you were born with one major talent, what would you wish it to be?” Spoiler alert: my answers were swift: I would choose to be a bird with the freedom to fly anywhere; to soar; to look down from above on an ever-unfolding expansive view; with no motion sickness. For my major talent, I would choose to be a gifted musician. Having been born into a family whose members all have a natural ability to play the piano or the violin-viola, I always felt the odd duck out with my simple guitar. How marvelous to imagine a future existence as a virtuoso guitar-playing, high-flying bird! 

When asked, if you climb to the top of a mountain, what would you toss? “Glitter,” I blurt out. Glitter?? My life-partner Brent stares at me as if I had just grown two heads. Never would he have imagined that I, or indeed anyone, would ever pick glitter to toss! He would toss a balsa wood glider.

What a magical way to celebrate the mountain, the glorious vista, the feeling of oneness with the rocks on which I stand, the trees below, the air thinned by height yet gloriously refreshing, the sky, the earth, the sunlight! A symbiosis of all the components into one delicious whole. 

A little glitter to be playful with, to delight in, reminds me of spontaneity, brightness, lightness, and a way of being both light and light-filled, with vivid colors reflecting the many brilliant colors in nature. To laugh with being, to celebrate, to be filled with joy.

What would you toss?

Inspired Reading

She Walks in Beauty: My Quest for the Bigger Picture
By Jim McCarty with Dave Thompson 

Vivid descriptions of an eclectic spiritual journey throughout a highly creative life gave me a much deeper understanding of a well-known rock and roll musician’s life-long explorations in musical expression as well as spiritual directions and traditions. Jim McCarty was inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame in 1992 as the drummer of The Yardbirds. Early fame pushed Jim to create his own music and songs. While on my healing journey, I listened to his 2018 solo album Walking in the Wild Land countless times. It was such an inspiration that I listed it on my Sources of Inspiration page. 

Jim’s book resonated with me on a deeply personal level. The worst day of Jim’s life was when his wife Elisabeth, known as Lizzie to friends and family, died on June 7, 2020, after almost two years of dealing with a surprising sarcoma diagnosis. She was one of my closest friends and had been very encouraging and supportive when I was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer over a year and a half before her own diagnosis.

What I found remarkable in Jim’s book were details about his passage through grief and the spiritual explorations that led him to a conviction of direct communications with Lizzie in Spirit.

Who would I recommend this book to?

• To all those who love Rock & Roll
• To all exploring spiritual dimensions of our existence
• To all who have lost a spouse or partner

You might also enjoy watching or listening to Suzanne Giesemann interviewing Jim about his book.

Breath of the Wind, a song written and performed by Jim McCarty, in honor of his wife Lizzie.

Angel Synchronicity

Magic abounds at Disney World, for younger children mostly, but also for the young at heart (can you see me waving my hand?). Although it is an unlikely setting, I have had a few profound and transformative spiritual experiences while visiting Epcot. 

Epcot? The theme park with pavilions devoted to different cultures of the world? And various entertaining and informative rides, such as my favorite, Living with the Land? Yes, Epcot, transformed with seasonal decorations, food and drink offerings, and entertainment. 

The largest synchronicity to date in my life manifested at Epcot’s Festival of the Holidays in December 2021. 

A general rule about Synchronicities is they arise often but mostly go unnoticed because we are too busy or preoccupied to become aware of them. 

This is quite different than asking for an answer to a question we are pondering. Then we might ask for a sign, sometimes very specific, as a green light, to start a project or take a class, for example. 

Synchronicity involves a simultaneous event occurring in different realms that confirms or underlines the importance of the topic, conveying an important message.

At the Festival of the Holidays this year, Brent and I decided to stop to listen to a bit of the Candlelight Processional, where a celebrity narrator recounts the biblical story of a savior born in Bethlehem, with a massed choir, orchestra, and solo singers. Because it is Disney, the production is visually stunning and, the music is excellent. We stand as the choir members holding candles find their places on stage as they sing and the narrator is introduced. The narrator comments on how moved he is to be with us all during this second holiday of the pandemic (Omnicron has not yet begun to spread widely at the time). He then begins reading, interspersed with glorious singing and music.

When he speaks of the Angel appearing to Mary, I feel drawn to look at the sky above the pavilion. What I see takes my breath away! The clouds are in the form of a giant Angel lit by the setting sun. Glorious colors, covering most of the visible sky above us all. Wings unfurled, this Angel hovers over us, mostly unseen by the audience and passersby but fully present and real. 

My heart trembles with unspeakable joy, my eyes fill with tears of gratitude. Brent and I watch the Angel in amazement- a giant Angel blessing meant for ALL-for those who did not look up, those who were not present, and, for you, as you read this.

Miracle of Survival

The arborist explained our gorgeous clump of giant bamboo had to be cut down to protect the power lines and our home. It had grown from a tiny clump laboriously cut out from a friend’s garden (with a chainsaw and giant axe) to five times its height and was ever-expanding in girth. It was with considerable sadness that I watched the 40-50 feet tall stalks cut down one by one. The adjacent Japanese tulip tree had long been there before the bamboo clump took over. One of my mother’s favorites, I had uprooted it from my parents’ garden, so it was precious to me. Since I wanted to preserve that tree, it would be impossible to use a stump grinder to dig out the bamboo stumps that grew out of the dense roots running at least 2 feet deep below the surface. No shovel would cut through that density. This would mean constantly cutting back new bamboo shoots growing from the stumps.

Throwing papaya seeds on the bamboo stump bed was a complete experiment. Would any papaya be able to grow in such a densely packed and living root system?

To our astonishment, a tiny papaya tree began to emerge in the late spring. Meanwhile, we continued to trim off all emerging bamboo shoots.

That first emerging papaya tree grew next to a brick and some tightly packed bamboo stumps. I felt tempted to move it. How could it survive in such a pinched area? But the baby tree continued to grow. It grew around the brick and the stumps with a ledge in its trunk. One miraculous day, it even produced blooms. Several weeks later, the first bloom turned into a tiny fruit.

Today, five months later, at the end of October, that first papaya tree is now taller than the adjacent Japanese tulip tree with large, green papaya covering its trunk. Other papaya trees have grown up around it, much thinner, younger, and a few have some small fruit, too.

The bamboo stalks have long since stopped coming up. The papaya trees took care of that for us.

What is nature teaching? That there are natural, creative solutions to what seem like insurmountable issues. Here, yet again, there is a magnificent miracle of not only survival but also of thriving against all odds.

Suzanne Giesemann- expanding awareness and training evidence-based mediumship

In her online courses, Suzanne shares insights, stories, and corroborating evidence that prove that as an evidence-based medium, she receives messages for her sitter from loved ones who have passed on. When she conveys some particularly striking evidence that she would have no way of knowing, she laughs in delight. And I can’t help but grin with her.

Prior to the tragic passing of her beloved stepdaughter Susan, Suzanne had no direct experience of mediumship. Her book Messages of Hope describes her journey from her remarkable career as a commanding officer in the Navy, and aide to the Chairman of the Joint Chief of Staff, to her training to become an evidence-based medium.  

As a medium, her main goal is to comfort those grieving the loss of a loved one. By knowing through irrefutable evidence that your loved one exists beyond death and can communicate with you, sitters often experience profound healing. Unlike my teacher Eloise Page, Suzanne was not aware of any innate psychic abilities while growing up, only developing her skills after retiring from the Navy. So it is no wonder that for her, anyone with a genuine interest and with the dedication of time and effort can learn to become an evidential medium or get messages from loved ones who have passed. 

I attended a number of her monthly online mentoring sessions. These are intended primarily for those who are studying to become mediums or who are practicing mediums. I also attended her events to raise money for charities before taking her online course, Expand Your Innate Mediumship Skills with Soul-to-Soul Communication. 

What marvelous eight sessions with her! Suzanne is always meticulous in her presentation and her appearance. She is very punctual and comes to each session fully prepared with pages of notes to share with us. And her laugh is pure delight! What I find delightful is how she includes stories about her husband Ty, their miniature dachshunds, with relevant anecdotes from their lives, as well as those of her charming assistants Lynette Setzkorn and Beverly Garlipp. They all make me feel like family, so heart-warming! So, of course, I had to attend her weekend intensive called Personal Mediumship, which is now offered online through her website (www.suzannegiesemann.com). 

One of my great pleasures in listening to Suzanne is her complete honesty. At times, she will say something and her guides in Spirit correct her or give additional information. If a participant asks a question, she may turn to her guides and ask for more information. Even when she was grieving the passing of her beloved dachshund of 16 years, she was honest about the process while not projecting her grief onto her audience. In a word, Suzanne is real.

Her guides in Spirit, whom she was told to collectively call Sanaya, convey teachings about the nature of our soul, our existence, and about expanding our awareness. Some of my favorite sessions are when she channels Sanaya directly. You can see the shift happen in her face; her voice and manners change, and the wisdom that pours through is profoundly inspiring and thought-provoking, which is why I listed her as a spiritual teacher on my website.

Suzanne manifests JOY in action, whether thrilled by helping others in readings while connecting with valid evidence to loved ones across the veil or explaining the nature of our soul, our existence in a lucid manner. She was told to call God or Oneness or Source or the Divine by the simple and very apt word Joy. I especially like this concept since it makes all the information that comes through her accessible to adherents of all religions.

Suzanne’s standard of excellence in her presentation and appearance, determination to improve her abilities, impeccable honesty, sense of humor, and most of all, her contagious JOY are the reasons why I am delighted that Suzanne, along with Lynette and Bev, are now part of my life. 

Video Post: Studying with Suzanne Giesemann

Learning from Puma Fredy Quispe Singona

Given the marvelous opportunity to study with spiritual teachers via zoom, my husband and I watched Andean Shaman Puma give an introduction to his forthcoming class. Filmed and broadcast live from the outdoor landscape of deep valleys and the magnificent mountains of Peru, here was Puma at 13,000 feet while we were at a mere 177 feet engulfed by trees rather than vistas. 

Having been taught by his grandfather since the age of six, (we later find out, he was taught in secret even from his parents until the age of 14), Puma radiates the central teaching of his lineage, that of unconditional love. His smile is irresistible! I find myself beaming back, even though only the computer screen witnessed it.

I am hooked. That profoundly genuine smile, his demeanor and tone of voice, his loving kindness when answering questions, I feel that Puma is a kindred spirit. He radiates a positive attitude and is dedicated to helping his family, friends, community, and now his global community. I could cite differences such as living in a landscape that I’ve only seen in art history books, with an ancient language (Quechua) and culture (vastly predating the Incas). I might add that for all my travels, I have never been to South America. And yet, underlying all those differences was the deep underlying truth and teaching of unconditional love.

In those 7 sessions with Puma, we learned practices (he calls them ceremonies) for everyday, both for our own healing and well being, and for our family and our community. For me, the ceremony for Mother Earth, known affectionately as ‘My Mother Pachamama’, was the most profound, it felt like a meaningful way to say thank you for sustaining me and us all. Yet, I return to Puma’s smile, the greatest teaching. When I find myself getting caught up, say, in physical aches and the endless to-do lists, I can see his smile and just smile back.